Some days its overwhelming

Today was one of those days where I felt sorry for myself.  I tried to stay chipper but honestly its too much for me. I am an independent person and I have been good at providing for my so and myself. Making sure we always had enough. I am now stuck in bed with only the occasional outing to the doctors office or a couple other options.

Bed rest is becoming an adjustment I am not a fan of. my legs are cramping and I can't figure out to get them to stop hurting. I know I am doing this for our little one's health but its overwhelming not being able to see my friends or watch football with them, talking crap about how bad their teams are. I just need a little help.

I would love for my friends to stop by and talk just keep me company or hell text me "hey how are you feeling?" I know it seems silly but I need the social interaction. I love my son and boyfriend but I need more interaction with my friends.

I am looking forward to next weekend when I will get to go to my shower, even if confined to my glider the whole time.  The opportunity to see friends is going to make my day.  I take my friends for granted, because you think that I will just see them next week or at the next gathering. I take the little things for granted too being able to carry my son or keep up with his energy. Things like cooking I have to teach my boyfriend from the comfort of my bed. Grocery shopping for things I need last minute is out of the question too.

I am not sure which was worse being stuck in the hospital for a week or this now 4 days out of 9 weeks. So I have only 8 weeks and 3 days left to get through and those weeks seem daunting. I am trying very hard to just take it one week at a time. So I focus on counting down to each doctor appointment and ultrasound.

I also have taken to asking friends for advice on surviving bed rest. I am working on a couple different projects. I have a couple blankets I am working on for the boys and I figure if anything they will bee Christmas gifts for them. I worry about the next 2 days as I will be alone at home with my son and I know it will be a rough couple days.

First Thing's First

Photo by Chickypoo Photography

Well let me start by telling you why I started this; I am almost 30 weeks pregnant with my second boy, and I have been ordered to bed by my doctor. I honestly knew I would be but at this stage I didn't expect it. I was hoping I could get to 32 weeks before I was sent to bed.  I never thought I would be here, with another baby on the way. I had accepted my fate as a Mom of one. I was in a good relationship and I had a fantastic son who I loved dearly, this was the life I planned to live.  Then one day it came the big fat positive pregnancy test. I was shocked I didn't think it was possible for me because of my health conditions, my first son was a miracle to me. 

So let me tell you a little about this pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant and my world and my boyfriend's world flipped upside down. He was not ready and I was torn. I wanted this baby so bad it was my last chance and I was going to take the chance with or without him. At about 6 weeks the nausea kicked in hard and fast and after my first appointment I was put on a zofran pump and IV fluids at home to keep me hydrated I was mostly bed ridden and I hated it. I felt alone and scared. I managed to get off the IV after a couple weeks and the zofran pump at about 14 weeks. The first trimester was over and I was convinced the worst was over.

The second trimester was smooth until about 25 weeks when the contractions started. They were stronger than I remembered with my son. I went to labor and delivery for the first time at that point.  I can't remember at this point how many times I have been but it was enough to send me to bed rest. The first terbutaline shot that I had caused severe side effects including extremely low blood pressure and vomiting. Since that shot I have had 3 more, no side effects with those shots except the shakiness and restless legs. This last time the contractions were strong and were felt around my back and I didn't like them at all. I went to labor and delivery as usual and was admitted and given the shot. They sent me home afterwards. Then this morning I received a call from the doctor on call and she said it was very possible that I would be placed on bed rest. I received a call from her at 10:00 am telling me I was to go home and would be on bed rest the remainder of my pregnancy.

The dreaded words I was not prepared to hear I walked into my bosses office and closed the door I told her I would be going home on doctors orders till I had my baby then 6 weeks after that. I am honestly terrified about our finances I was a big part of the income and not working doesn't work for this situation. I have faith that we will get through this because we are never given more than we can handle. I hope by telling my story I can help others.